STORIES OF LIFE
Everyone wants attention, but I avoid it! Why?
For me, attention is an uncomfortable feeling.
My mom's attention was unbearable - constantly checking to see if everything was going according to plan,
whether we were achieving our goals, putting all our effort into the work, and not slacking off. Checking to see if all the pieces fit perfectly and there were no mistakes anywhere.
story
Every mistake is punished and immediately corrected and made sure it never happens again. Everything is under control and constantly monitored to see if everything is going according to plan.
According to my mother, I make up stories about an evil mother who is to blame for everything. My view is that when a child is very sensitive (mental projector) and has no chance to defend herself, she just sucks like a sponge, it was devastating for me. I understand that, her childhood was probably even worse than mine. I only have ADHD and PTSD from it. I feel like an autistic person in relationships and when I was processing my childhood feelings and experiencing them again in my body, I couldn't stand it for a while and I thought I would jump out of my skin, literally. The feeling can't even be described. It's stress that can't be managed. Thanks to therapy, I understood that all my asthma attacks were panic attacks.
And how could this have happened?
You know the feeling of being born as a dragon, but your mother sees you as a sheep. A dragon is unacceptable to her. It terrifies her, a dragon is simply terrible. Whenever you show your dragon nature, the mother's fear immediately takes over and puts you in the sheep's skin at any cost, and you, as a little dragon, understand that if you want your mother sheep to love you, you have to be like her, because that's the only right way. She means well, she wants you to have a good life and make her happy. She teaches you brilliantly how to use a sheep's body, how to feel content among sheep, and how to be a sheep 🐏 in life, fine and dandy. The only mistake in that. Her concept is that you are a dragon. But you don't even know that anymore. In the process of absorbing and accepting your surroundings, you have lost yourself and think you are a sheep. You live the life of a sheep and you think it's okay. You don't feel at all, you're all confused, but you listen to the sheep around you and they just confirm that you're okay, even if you don't feel that way sometimes and it seems to you that you just don't fit in...
Your mom tells you, you can't complain, look how good you are. You have a great job, a husband, a place to live and something to eat...
What would anyone give for that and you bow your head and it's true, you are doing well. The problem is that you are doing well like a sheep. Depression is eating you up inside. Your husband thinks you are a sheep and treats you like one too. At work, they treat you like a sheep and you are just depressed and you feel bad. How? Well, it must be because I am a dragon 🤔
I don't want to graze with sheep all day. In fact, grass doesn't even do me that good.
I really don't like being in one place all day and listening to that annoying barking.
I want to fly 🙏 I want to see everything from above, I want to understand it. I want to feel my dragon body, throw off that strange smelly wave that doesn't belong to me at all.
I want my freedom, I want perspective, I want to do nothing, just observe the world from above. See other animals and spit fire when necessary. I want to be a dragon. Because that's me.
When I finally realize this, there's nothing left but to learn to be a dragon. Again and slowly discover what it means to be a dragon. I don't have a dragon mom to pass it on and teach me, now you're on your own. 😊 Trial, error, how I feel about it, is it my dragons, or is it the old limiting sheep.
I'm depressed, if only, knowing at 18, where could I be in my life now as a dragon?
I'm 48 and I'm starting from scratch.
I know one thing for sure, I'm a dragon 😁
If I were a sheep, I would be grateful to my amazing mom for taking such great care of me and my life was absolutely great 😎. Unfortunately, there was a little misunderstanding.... 🤔
AND YES, we choose our parents before we are born and I respect that they did everything the best they could and I thank them for that.
At the same time, I also acknowledge and realize my feelings that I share here...
Have you also realized that you are something else beneath the surface? And that living in someone else's skin is simply not possible anymore?
If you feel that it is time to rediscover who you really are and learn to live according to your unique essence, I will be happy to support you on that journey.
I work with Human Design and Gene Keys, two wonderful systems that can literally "light you up" from the inside. They will help you understand why you feel the way you do, what your gifts are, how your energy works and how to finally allow yourself to live your own story - not the one that was prescribed for you.
📩 Message me or book a consultation.
You are not weird. You are not broken. You are just dragons like me, but you were treated like a sheep...
Let's explore it together.