STORY OF LIFE
Father x daughter relationship
A father (or other strong male figure) is a girl's first mirror of her value, dignity, and relationship to the male world during childhood. The presence or absence of a father shapes deep layers of her perception of herself, relationships, security, and self-worth.
Father
The theme of the absent father is very strong and fundamental because it affects the entire emotional foundation of a woman – her relationship to herself, to the world and to men. It can be a physical absence, but also an emotional one – the father was at home, but he was not really there for her. And that leaves traces.
When the daughter was loved, respected, and perceived by the father present:
👧 She feels seen and important. Her father's interest gives her the feeling that she has meaning, that she exists.
🧠 She trusts her own judgment. Her thoughts, feelings and opinions were accepted and taken seriously - this gives her inner peace and confidence.
💬 Relationships with men in adulthood are usually balanced. She does not seek confirmation of her value through men, she does not need to save or save others.
🛡️ She feels safe in the world. Her father is a symbol of the outside world. When he was stable, the daughter allows herself to be authentic in adulthood, express her boundaries and go after what she wants.
When the father was absent, emotionally unavailable, or hurtful:
❌ An inner feeling of invisibility arises. The girl carries the belief that she is not interesting enough, important enough, or “worthy of love.”
😶 She learns to suppress her needs. She either doesn’t remember them at all, or is ashamed to express them – because they were ignored in childhood.
😔 She often repeats the pattern of pain in relationships. For example, she becomes attached to men who are emotionally unavailable, cold, critical. She subconsciously hopes that if she gets their love “this time,” she will heal the original deficiency.
🧱 She lacks support inside. Instead of a solid inner point, she often has chaos or overload – because she had to become an adult before she was supposed to.
How an absent father manifests himself in relationships with men
1. Looking for love outside instead of inside
A woman often does not know what her value is. She cannot feel it within herself, so she looks for it in men – through attention, appreciation, love.
She believes that when “he loves me, I will be good enough.”
She can adapt, be kind, suppress herself, just so that a man will keep her.
2. Tendency to choose unavailable men
Emotionally closed, cold, too strong or even manipulative partners.
Inner conviction: “I have to try to deserve his love.”
Constant struggle for recognition, instead of peace and acceptance.
3. Distrust of men in general
Feeling that men cannot be relied on. That “I have to do everything myself.”
In relationships, she is either in the position of a strong woman (who pulls everything) or, conversely, in dependence (seeking salvation, guidance).
4. Fear of intimacy
If a girl has not been safely emotionally accepted by her father, closeness in adulthood can be threatening.
She either avoids it (runs away) or desperately needs it - while having a deep fear of abandonment or betrayal.
5. Freezing, passivity, a sense of smallness
In the presence of a strong man, she may feel "small", inferior, incapable. She believes that he knows more, she is more important.
In the body, this can manifest as tension, disconnection, inability to say "no", inability to express herself.
What does an absent father mean in terms of family constellations?
1. A father is a source of strength, stability, and direction.
In the constellation system, the father is the one who directs the child towards life, the world and the future.
The mother gives life, the father “sanctifies” it – gives it the strength to go further, into the world, into action.
If the father is absent (physically or emotionally), the child loses ground. He does not know where he is going, he does not trust himself, he cannot take his place in the world.
2. Broken bond with father = broken connection with life force
A child (and an adult) can feel weak, lost, without direction.
The feeling that “someone is behind me”, that “I can go out into the world and stand my ground” is missing.
An adult woman then often looks for this “father” in men – and thus attracts relationships where there is no balance.
3. Unaccepted father = unaccepted half of yourself
The father represents the masculine energy in us – courage, boundaries, the ability to move forward, stand up, act.
If we reject him, we reject ourselves – our strength, direction, intention, action.
This can manifest itself in passivity, dependence, anxiety, confusion in decision-making, but also anger without support.
The lack of a father can be healed
Just because your father was absent does not mean that you are lost forever. You can rebuild the missing pillar within yourself – the inner masculine energy that will support you, stand up for you, give you structure and strength. This is often related to:
- Conscious work with your inner father (e.g. through imagination, meditation, constellations),
- Creating new relationship experiences where you are respected and heard,
- And most importantly, building security within yourself, in your body and in your nervous system.